


A Life By Your Side

by Freeandbored



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Car Accidents, Domestic, Established Relationship, Eventual Romance, Explicit Language, F/M, Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-05
Updated: 2020-09-01
Packaged: 2021-03-05 18:56:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 20,451
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25720198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Freeandbored/pseuds/Freeandbored
Summary: After a tragic car accident Lars has lost his memories of the past few years. Many things have changed, not to mention that he's married. He still trusts no one, least of all the one who claims to be his wife. Is it possible that he can continue his life in that way, or will life take such a turn that it will change him even more?
Relationships: Netherlands/Taiwan (Hetalia)
Kudos: 1





	1. Waking Up

**Author's Note:**

> This is the English translation of "Una vida contigo" that I wrote too. English isn't my first language so I'm sorry for the mistakes. Also I know memory loss doesn't work that way, but the intention with this fic was to write a fic as a soap opera, very dramatic an exaggerated. 
> 
> Henri-Luxembourg / Ling - Fem Hong Kong / Emma- Belgium

Lars looked out the car window, still not daring to say a word. He couldn’t think of what to say or how to act. Besides he was sore all over and he felt dizzy. His siblings were finally taking him home. He observed them, having the impression that they both looked a little different from what he remembered. Then, he turned to see the woman next to him, a certain Mei, who said, was his wife. She smiled sweetly at him and wanted to hold his hand, but he instantly pushed away. She continued smiling. He still couldn’t accept the idea that he was married.

A few days before, he had woken up in the hospital, and when he did it, his whole life was different from how he remembered it. According to the doctor, the impact he received during that car accident had caused him partial memory loss. He had apparently hit another vehicle while trying to avoid a deer. The fog had obscured the road, and by the time he realized it, the animal was only a short distant away, so by avoiding it, both cars lost control and it ended up in a messy accident. 

When he finally reacted and opened his eyes, he was lying in a hospital bed and a woman was holding his hand. Lars asked her who she was and looked at her with incredulously as she explained that she was his wife. He shook his head, saying that it was the first time he had seen her, he couldn’t be married, it must be a mistake, this woman was a complete stranger to him. She looked at him shocked and confused. Then the doctor came to check him and Mei had to leave the room.

All the corresponding analyses were carried out and it was concluded that he would recover his memory over time. It was as if his memories of his last few years had been buried somewhere in his mind or had simply vanished. Lars didn’t want to know any more details because he couldn’t understand a single word, he thought it was such an implausible story out of some dull soap opera. Only the young woman listened carefully, nodding. His siblings visited him a little later, when he was finally able to receive visitors.

“We are glad to know you’re better,” Henri said, smiling.

“Emma? Henri?” he asked, as if he hardly recognized them.

Both siblings nodded, talked for a moment, comforting him in the face of the situation, and above all, encouraging him. Then, Lars saw the young woman talking to one of the doctors. It was her, whom he had just met when he woke up, and she proclaimed herself his wife.

“Who is this woman?”

“It’s Mei, your wife. You had been married for over three years,” Emma explained.

He later learned that she had not left his side since the day he was admitted to the hospital. So, he figured he had to trust them. Mei visited him every day and always tried to cheer him up, he didn’t know what to talk about and sometimes they were just silent. His parents visited him as soon as they found out, they mentioned to him that Mei was informing them of his progress, since they lived on the other side of the country and he calmed down a bit. A few days later he was finally discharged. 

On the way, Mei and his siblings were telling him about his life in general, but he wasn’t paying attention. He looked around, at his siblings’ new appearance and the ring on his left hand, asking himself a lot of questions. It was like had been asleep for a long time.

They came to the apartment. That was exactly the same place he had been living, but when he went inside, he realized it was different. There were some people waiting for him, all of them looking happy to see him and dedicated loving words of relief to him. However, they looked different from the way he had tried to look for them in the scraps of his memory, some of them were barely familiar and others were complete strangers. He also learned of several events, for example that his sister owned a bakery, was married and had a baby; his younger brother, was also a lawyer and had a relationship with Mei’s sister.

The guests were there for a while longer, wishing him a speedy recovery, but Lars didn’t feel like being there. They understood and left. He hated surprises, so this whole scenario was overwhelming. He wasn’t ready to suddenly hear so much news all at once. Even though the events weren’t serious, it was still a lot of information for one day. Mei felt a bit guilty about making him feel uncomfortable, so she suggested that he better get some rest. She would wake him up later for dinner. He agreed and she led him to the bedroom.

Lars looked around the bedroom, noticed the double bed, the decoration he knew couldn’t be of his choice and on the night table: a book in Mandarin Chinese and a photograph of the wedding. He looked at the photo for a few seconds. They looked happy indeed, she looked at the camera with a smile, while he put his arms around her and kissed her on the cheek. He put it back in its place and lay down in bed. He sighed and closed his eyes, thinking that it was a dream and he would soon wake up.

A couple of hours later she brought him dinner. He didn’t want to eat; he still didn’t have much of an appetite.

“Give it a try, you need to eat to get energy” she said with a certain motherly sweetness.

“I’m not hungry”

“Well, at least have some water. I’ll let you rest, but if you need anything, I’m in the next room,” she said, giving him a soft kiss on the cheek and a sweet smile.

That night Lars couldn’t sleep, even though he was tired. He tried to make a mental summary of everything that had happened. It was more than obvious that he wouldn’t regain his memory overnight. Perhaps, it would be best to be patient and try to remember little by little. Besides, he wasn’t alone, he had his siblings and Mei, although he didn’t yet know if he should trust her completely.

Meanwhile, Mei was grateful to have him alive. How scared she had been by the news of the accident, she spent days in complete anguish waiting for positive results. And then, he woke up and she thought the nightmare was over. Now the next challenge followed. She prayed that little by little he would remember and get his life back. She knew it would be difficult, but she would be there to help him to get through the accident and fill in the gaps in his mind that it had caused.

The next day, Lars woke up late. He sat up on the edge of the bed and yawed. At least he didn’t forget that he hated mornings. He saw his reflection in the mirror, he was pale, haggard, he also had some scratches on his face, then he touched his head scar with his fingertips. Now he realized how serious the matter was and how lucky he was to have survived. He took a long shower, as if to prevent the day from continuing. Then he put on a simple shirt and jeans, something different from the expensive suits he wore, but for the moment it didn’t matter since he would only be at home. Then he went to the kitchen and found Mei preparing breakfast, which was plenty, not like the cup of coffee he used to start his days with. Mei was happy to see him, and told him to sit down and eat. From that day on, they would start looking for his memories.

“Good morning, Bunny. Did you sleep well?”

“Bunny?” he repeated, raising an eyebrow.

“It’s a loving nickname” she explained with a smile.

“I don’t like it, that’s why I have a name” he said, dryly.

“Oh… Ok, you’re right” she replied a little embarrassed to hear such a harsh comment.

He saw her smile fade and apologized for his abruptness. It wasn’t the nickname itself that bothered him, but the familiarity of this woman he barely knew was strange to him. Yes, she was his wife, but for the moment she was a stranger.

“Forgive me, I didn’t mean it like that. I’m not brusque with you, am I?” he asked worriedly, thinking that maybe it was like that and it wasn’t his morning mood.

She smiled again and shook her head. “Only when we argue… you know… I don’t have the best character either…”

“If you say so,” he said a bit uneasy. “Well, tell me what happened to me,” he continued, to change the subject.

“Let’s see, you are a great lawyer. You write for a little column in an independent journal…”

“Some of it I remember, what else?” he interrupted her, patiently.

“You’ve also tried to learn many different things, like Mandarin Chinese”, she said a little sadly, “It’s a shame. It took a bit of work, but you understood it more and more every day. You’ve also tried to do plumbing work.”

“Really?” he exclaimed in surprise, since it had never occurred to him and also understanding why that book was on the bedside table.

Mei nodded again, then added: “We have had a lot of plans lately. We are thinking about looking for a house somewhere calm. A place where we can have a garden and an orchard, and where our kids can ride their bikes in peace.”

“Kids?” he asked, about to spit out his coffee, and raising his eyebrow as if he had heard something horrible.

“Yeah… you know, when we got… we were working in it…” she added and her cheeks turned pink. “What else do you want to know?” she asked, changing the subject.

“What’s your job?”

“I’m an art teacher and an illustrator, but we are not talking about me, we are talking about you,” she said. “You’ll get to know me.”

He assumed she was right, however if his memory came back, he would know more about her.

Every day, Mei would wake up very early, leave him indications and go to work. Lars did the cleaning and when she arrived, they ate and spent every afternoon watching videos and pictures of their life together and telling him what had happened with several people close to him. Lars simply nodded, trying to get a sense of what was going on and being surprised by all the changes. It was like entering another dimension. Other times, they would go for a walk. They would visit places that had sentimental value, like the café they used to frequent when they were dating or the park where they had their first kiss. Lars could only imagine, but for him they no longer meant anything.

Mei always had a positive attitude and was very patient in the face of his perpetual indifference. Lars was surprised when she told him certain details of his life. She knew everything about him, what he liked and disliked even his clothing size. That made him feel important, in a way, and at the same time guilty because it seemed unfair, because he just getting to know her, and as that feeling was repeated, he asked himself more and more questions.

He watched Mei get excited when she told him about the project, she had in mind for a comic book and suddenly he wondered why he had agreed to marry her in the first place if she wasn’t his ideal type. He always had another kind of woman in mind. He wanted a sophisticated, judicious and intellectual woman, which, he felt, Mei was far from being. Although it was true that her beauty didn’t go unnoticed and that she had grace and artistic talent, he found it difficult to discuss serious matters with her, she seemed so immature. Perhaps, it was the emotional stability she offered him. Mei turned to see him and smiled tenderly as she showed him another project she had. He felt like a fool to be judging her without even really knowing her and seeing her as not deserving of being around him. That she wasn’t his type didn’t make her inferior to the woman he had in mind.

He was always resigned to getting married so he wouldn’t be alone, having a fairly routine couple’s life that would end in divorce, and many years later, his children would hate him for being an absentee father. But this life he had seemed completely different. Mei was an attentive and loving wife, an optimistic and persistent woman who conveyed encouragement. He wondered then, quite the opposite of what his pride had let him believe, why she would have married him.

So, as she told him some stories, he had the impression that, although they loved each other, they were quite incompatible, and that detail didn’t convince him of that supposed domestic happiness. Although she described everything as a fairy tale, he was sure the story was another one, and even more so if he considered what he had thought of her. He couldn’t even identify with the Lars in those stories. It was hard to believe. It was hard to digest a life together and have to bear the burden of not being able to reciprocate and the fear of asking for space, because Mei wanted to be by his side constantly.

He also began to worry about her, as each day that passed, he saw her more distressed, even paler and more haggard. But when she was with him, she always had a smile on her face, gave him everything he needed, and did the impossible to make him remember her again. So, he put up with it as long as he had the chance to get his life back just for her. However, as the days went by, he saw it as more and more difficult.

One day, after a little over a month without good results, Mei sat down by the side of the bed and took out the wedding photo album. As she turned the pages, she let out a few tears. The truth was that she was desperate to have her husband with her again, but _he_ wasn’t coming back. He didn’t remember anything. Lars watched her from the door, it was terrible to see her like that, it broke his heart to see her suffer. She noticed his presence in the room and rushed to wipe away her tears.

“I didn’t hear you. Dinner is…”

“I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s not your fault. It really isn’t. Now come on, I’ll heat up dinner”

She gave him back a fake smile and left the room. That was the last straw. Mei deserved someone who would love her and protected her, not someone who would make her suffer and judge her. So, it was the best was to stop being a burden and not tie her to an uncertain future. Lars followed her into the kitchen and asked her to talk at once, because he couldn’t bear to continue with the charade. He had to make her understand the situation so she could finally open her eyes. He tried to think in the right words and use a soft, but firm tone. Mei looked at him in confusion, waiting for what he was trying to say. Finally, Lars took a deep breath and without making much eye contact, he began talking.

“Mei, I don’t think I can go on like this anymore. I don’t want you to suffer for me anymore, maybe we should stop all this. I’m just causing you troubles…”

“Don’t say that. You know you will never be a bother to me,” she said, reaching out and hugging him.

He refused her hug.

“Of course, I am, look at you, you look more tired every day. When was the last time you slept well?”

“What are you talking about? I just want to help you. You are my husband and I want to be with you in these difficult times,” she replied, somewhat offended.

Lars sighed in frustration as he heard this argument from a devoted wife, blinded by a love that was going nowhere.

“Tell me why you want to be tied to a man who can’t remember you?” he replied, already exasperated, taking her by the wrists.

She looked away. It was true that nothing was the same anymore and that every day she lost more hope, that everything would return to normal. But it was so cruel to think of the possibility of losing him just like that.

“I admit I’m desperate too, but… I just want my husband back… understand me”

“Well, realize for once that I’m no longer the man you married. I’m sorry but that’s the way it is. I don’t think I will ever be the same again,” he said. “I think we should… get a divorce,” he said, releasing her.

“No, Lars, don’t do this to me. Please reconsider,” she replied, sobbing.

“Mei, think about it. It’s been over a month and I’m still the same, we haven’t made any progress. It’s uncomfortable to me to see you suffer. It’s better to separate, maybe we were going to get divorced someday… Don’t you think we have very little in common? How do you build a relationship with someone who’s not compatible with you?”

Mei looked at him shocked and began to cry, it was too painful to hear what she was once afraid to say to him at the beginning of their relationship. She never thought she would hear those words, but they were spoken for him. 

“Don’t you think that love has nothing to do with us getting married?” She asked him, in a serious tone.

“Sometimes marriage has nothing to do with love. Besides, I don’t know if you are telling the truth when you talk about us. I don’t think we’ve gotten along as well as you insist on making me believe”

“I never lied to you! Don’t you want to know about me anymore?” Mei replied.

“Anyway, I can’t do this anymore. I don’t love you and I felt overwhelmed when I’m with you,” he confessed and looked at her as if it would have been better to shut up.

Mei was speechless, the latter falling like a bucket of cold water, but maybe it was true. It was her fault for harassing him to force him to come back, insisting on so much information and why not, painting a life that was a distorted version of reality. She was being so selfish instead of truly help him. So, maybe she was the burden.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that…” he said, when he saw her reaction.

“No, you’re right. Now I realize that instead of helping you I’m just suffocating you,” she said, looking at him for the first time.

Lars thought that expression of pain would be hard to forget. Despite the fact that he didn’t love her, he felt that his heart was breaking into a thousand pieces, but if they didn’t do something, the situation would probably get worse and she might hate him for wasting her time.

“We are both hurting each other. I’m taking up your time and energy. So, I’m asking you to give me time to put my mind in order, to find myself on my own pace. This might even be useful to both us,” he murmured.

Mei nodded. Her love for him and herself prevented her for imploring him any longer, and especially after those words. If he wanted to be free, then she would let him go. It was better than tying him up against his will. They were silent for a while. Then she wiped away her tears and tried to pull herself together.

“Well, this apartment is yours. It’s better that I go. Then, you won’t have any trouble getting used to what you already know,” she suggested, stepping aside.

“But where will you go?”

“With my sister. She had a room available. I’ll call her tonight”

Lars observed that in her countenance there was no longer the sweetness or affection with which she looked at him, but instead the total resignation of someone who had just given up.

It didn’t take Mei long to pack up all her belongings, she did it as fast as she could, without stopping to think. The next day, she had everything ready and very early Ling arrived to help her put everything in the car, without allowing Lars help her. She wanted to leave before he woke up, but she didn’t make it, he watched her in silence, not being able to come near her. Finally, Mei took her purse, walked to the door and without looking back, said: “I’ll come later for the rest of my stuff”. Lars saw her getting into the vehicle and disappearing into the distance. Not knowing that she hadn’t been able to look at him, so he wouldn’t notice that she was crying.


	2. Fake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lars come back to work, but things are confusing. He doesn't know who has to believe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you know, English isn't my first language and this is a translation. Ludwig is obviously Germany, but Stacy is just a fill character.

Although the memories of the last few years had been erased from his mind, life never stopped and went on as usual. It had been several days since Mei’s departure. He had no idea that when she left, she would take the warmth of home with her. No matter where he was, something was always missing.

On the other hand, he intended to call her several times to check on her, but he repentant in time. Most likely, she didn’t want to hear from him again, after all he had hurt her with his words. He could still evoke her expression of pain, her resignation, and that goodbye. Maybe it was better that way, he wanted to live without pressure, postponing the search of himself that he feared so much and the memories that he knew he would not recover.

He thought he would see her again when she went to get the rest of her belongings, but instead Mei’s sister, and best friend arrived. Neither of them dared mention her nor did he ask questions. For a moment he had the idea of asking them to tell her not to worry about him, but after that he thought what right he had to believe she was doing it. He tried to comfort himself by thinking that the separation was for the good of both of them, he didn’t want to give her false hope or tie her to a vague future. He was no longer the Lars she knew, but a complete stranger. Besides, she was very pretty and nice, it would be easy for her to rebuild her life by the side of a good man who would offer her what he could no longer give her. Thinking about it, he couldn’t help but feel a twinge of bitterness. 

He wondered if he would be able to live in peace now that he had taken her out of the way. However, whether he loved her or not, the truth was that sometimes he used to think about her. At first, he felt it as a burden, as a sort of charge of conscience, but as the days went by, he began to miss her presence and her company. Maybe he just felt lonely, though.

Finally, Lars decided to go back to his old life, to when he had an established routine and every day was the same. In the morning he’d drink that one cup of coffee, then go to the law firm. Returning to work hadn’t been easy either, but he found a way to occupy his mind with other issues he considered more important. He had lost about 5 or 6 years of experience, but at least he could remember a good part of what he had studied and learned during his first years at work. So, in that respect he was at ease.

Although it was odd since some people were now unknown to him. Except for Ludwig Beilschmidt who was his best friend and had attended his welcome from the hospital, but hadn’t had time to talk. Right now, at least he had his support. His office looked the same except for the picture of Mei on his desk. He stared at it for a few minutes and put it in his drawer so he didn’t have to think about her. The morning went by as usual and all he wanted to do was go home.

After work, while waiting at the metro station, a tall, black haired woman approached him. For the first time in days, Lars was comforted to recognize another face. It was Stacy, an old colleague he had known since university, who had stopped seeing him when she went to study for a few semesters in the United States and they met again during their first years of work. As far as he knew they got along quite well and consider her a friend. She invited him for a drink and he accepted.

“Long time no see you. I’m glad you are all right. I heard about your accident, but I couldn’t contact you before. I was very worried; it is true that you lost your memory?” she asked after entering a café.

“Not completely, but I remember you”

The woman smirked. After a short talk about his health, he felt confident, after all she was an excellent lawyer and had graduated from college with honors, so there was no one better to trust at the moment. Of course, perhaps apart from Ludwig.

They both tried to catch up. For Lars it had been nice to talk with someone about serious issues that didn’t relate to his condition. She spoke eloquently and it was of real interest what she had to say. She was such an interesting and intelligent woman, the kind of person Lars felt very comfortable with. The talk went on so long that when they realized it was already night, but they decided to meet another day after work to continue the conversation.

“I don’t think I saw you when I came back from the hospital,” said Lars a bit puzzled, as they took a walk. 

“It’s just that, well, maybe it’s not the time to tell you, I’m a little embarrassed,” she said shyly.

“What is it?”

“No, it may bring you problems with your wife. In fact, we shouldn’t even be talking right now” she said with some sadness.

“Did something happen between you and Mei?”

“Well, I don’t want to be dramatic, you may not even believe me when I tell you. I guess she already warned you.”

“Warn me? What are you talking about?”

Stacy hesitated, thinking for a while, as if looking for a way to tell him, making the suspense between them grow.

“I guess she didn’t do it as I thought she would. You should know that we haven’t talked much since you married her. This is the first time we’ve really talked.”

“Why?”

“See, it happened after I got back from a trip, I heard you were dating her, so I wanted to meet her, she looked nice, but one day she came to me and threatened me not to come near you again”

Lars looked at her in confusion. He knew that Mei was immature, but he didn’t think she would be capable of doing such a thing. On the other hand, why should he trust the stranger more than a flawless colleague he did trust and remember. He was quite annoyed, who she thought she was to forbid him to speak to. Though on second thought, it made sense, Mei could be suffocating, he now understood a bit of the need to follow him around. He knew their marriage couldn’t be perfect.

“I can’t believe it”

“Neither did I, she looked so sweet, I just wanted to be her friend. You know I have always appreciated you and that’s why I wanted to meet the woman you had fallen in love with” said the latter with resentment. “But don’t get mad at her. The last thing I want to do is cause problems in your marriage. I just wanted to talk to you to see if you were feeling better,” she added.

“No, she has no right to forbid me anything,” he said, shaking his head.

“I feel like I should have told you before, but you know, I didn’t want to get in the way and she said she’d have me fired if I thought to tell you. It seems she has some influence…”

“It’s ok, it’s not your fault. Honestly, I think I just realized her true nature. At least I’m calm now. We’ve been giving each other some time.”

The woman’s eyes shone and she tried to hide her smile.

“You don’t know how sorry I am”

“It’s ok. I guess it would happen sooner or later” he replied disappointedly.

Of course, Stacy already knew that. She knew very well that he had lost his memory, and had consequently, separated from his wife. The rumors among her colleagues were something that one way or another ended up spreading and she still had very close friends who informed her as soon as they heard. So, she believed that this was her chance to get him back.

She remembered perfectly the day that she met him at the college. Lars was one of the brightest students in the class. She started to admire him, first from afar and then trying to be his friend. Some classmates thought they would make a great couple. She simply called herself a friend, while he was indifferent. However, just when they had become close, she went on an exchange to the United States. Before she left, she couldn’t confess her feelings to him, which she had regretted. 

They lost contact, until, by fate, they met again at work. They regained their friendship, although this time with Ludwig Beilschmidt in the middle and the inconvenience that she had a boyfriend with whom she had been dating for two years. Leaving him for Lars had been her intention in the first place, but there was always something going on, work, family, some important matter, anything. Finally, she decided to end her engagement during a disastrous trip, but when she returned Lars was already dating Mei.

She found out what kind of person she was and was almost outraged when she met her. She thought she was, by far, better than that girl in the colorful clothes and silly girlie face. She hated her from the moment she saw her. How was it possible that such a focused and serious man could be capable of falling in love with a simple brat when she had been waiting for him for so long, she wondered. That couple just wouldn’t last, no way, he probably just slept with her until someone better came along, maybe that was it. 

She tried everything to separate them: being especially affectionate and attentive with him, tagging him in suggestive posts, making more physical contact than usual, even leaving belongings of hers on purpose to create conflicts between them. But nothing worked, somehow that little hag managed to blind him completely, she thought. Finally, when she heard about their engagement, she decided to put an end to it, she couldn’t take it anymore. She went to his apartment; he opened the door and right there she asked him to break up with Mei so he could give her a chance. She even offered to be his lover. Lars listened to her as if she had gone mad, but simply shook his head.

“I can’t do that to her. Besides, I’m going to marry her”

“She doesn’t deserve you; I love you the most. I’m the one who should be with you. I have loved you since college. Give me a chance, she doesn’t have to know.”

“You’re wrong about me, I’m not that kind of person”

Through the door, Stacy could see Mei witnessing the scene. It had been so humiliating, especially when she saw concern in her eyes and wanted to let her in until she calmed down, but Lars refused.

“I think you’d better go, it’s late. The neighbors had heard everything and may call the police,” he said angrily.

Days later, Stacy decided to cut all ties with him. She left for a while determined to forget him, but for her it had become an obsession. She often looked to Lars’ social media to see him, but he didn’t use them. So, she was content to secretly make fun of Mei’s comics. She would write malicious comments, criticizing and offending her, but there was never a lack of support or she was just ignored.

Then, she heard about his accident, and since she had decided to return because of a special case that only she could take care of, she saw the chance to get back what was rightfully hers. Ludwig didn’t take it well. As soon as he saw her, he warned her not to approach Lars with bad intentions, for he knew what she was capable of.

“Don’t worry. He only likes me as a friend. Have you forgotten?”

Ludwig didn’t trust her. Several times he witnessed her tricks to ruin Lars and Mei’s relationship. At first neither of them believed it, because she was too decent, but when he caught her going into Lars’ office and rummaging through his things, Ludwig knew that she was up to no good. He recorded her and thanks to that, he was able to save them troubles, but he didn’t count on her confronting him. So, when she left all of a sudden, he thought things were over, but she came back.

Lars and Stacy met again a few more times after work. They talked for hours about the time they didn’t see each other, her travels and the last case she had taken care of. Lars was impressed by her professionalism and ethics. Something quite admirable. Then it came to his mind why he didn’t ever notice her? She was exactly the kind of partner he was looking for. Stacy was sophisticated and brilliant, plus her conversations were becoming a great relief to distract from his situation.

He unintentionally told her that he enjoyed talking to her more than he did to Mei. Then, Stacy started sobbing, saying that when Mei had threatened her, she was terrified. She didn’t want to lose her job just out of simple jealousy, but what hurt her most was losing his friendship. Then, she told him about some messages harassing her with getting rid of her, calling her a bitch because in her eyes she wanted to steal Lars from her. Even when she offered her her friendship, Mei had rudely rejected it, saying she could never be friends with a whore.

“I’m sorry you have to find out this way. How could I possibly confess it to you anyway? She sure acted as a model wife while she was taking care of you. And I guess she didn’t even call you. How can you trust someone like that?”

“Well, no, I haven’t even contacted her,” admitted Lars, feeling partly guilty.

“Do you think she asked someone to keep a close eye on you? If I were you, I wouldn’t trust anyone, not even my best friend,” she said. 

Lars was upset that he had been cheated on by his supposedly devoted wife. But at the same time, he was sure something was wrong. This felt different from how Mei was, as if something didn’t add up, even though Stacy couldn’t be lying. So, she started filling his head with bad ideas about Mei, for whatever reason, even if he wanted to change the subject, she insisted on telling him the worst of her and insulted her, but for Lars those couldn’t be lies. The more he thought about all that, the more he felt his marriage was a lie.

One morning, Ludwig called him aside. He told him that he wanted to talk about something important and payed that he wasn’t intervening too late.

“So, you have been seeing Stacy lately,” he said directly.

“Yes, it was nice to see her again,” said Lars without making too much of a fuss.

“Lars, please be careful. I don’t trust her” he answered shyly, but worried.

“What do you mean?”

“She is not to be trusted. Besides, legally you’re still married. Don’t get involved with her, you’ll regret it”.

At that point, Lars became defensive. He would believe it from manipulative Mei, but not from his best friend.

“I think I know what this is about, Mei found out, right? I can’t believe she asked you to keep an eye on me.”

Ludwig seemed offended and shook his head.

“No, I haven’t had any contact with her and I doubt she knows about this.”

“So? You know Stacy, you know she is a right and respectable woman,” replied Lars.

“Lars, listen to me. Trust me. I have been your best friend for many years. What would I gain by lying to you in the state you are in?” he said seriously. “You know very well that I’m not the kind of person who lie about something like that”.

“I know, but it seems strange to me that you’re getting into this. Why didn’t you do the same thing when I met Mei? Did you have any idea how controlling she was and yet you didn’t tell me?”

At this point, Ludwig thought he’d never seen Lars being manipulated like that. He never thought he was naïve as to believe any of the lies Stacy was sure to tell him.

“Tell me, why didn’t you say anything? I should have married Stacy instead… she is the kind of woman I should have been from the beginning and…”

“Lars, do you really think that the woman who spent days in anguish, waiting for you to wake up and that exhausted herself day after day to bring you back is like Stacy insists on making you believe?” he patiently interrupted him. 

Lars looked at him incredulously, how he could doubt that woman who had been a victim of Mei’s constant harassment. She had even cried in his presence. He didn’t know who to believe, just then he hated himself for not being able to remember anything. Ludwig told him what she had done and why she had left, but Lars couldn’t believe him.

“Look, I think you should trust your intuition. Something tells me that you don’t completely believe her yourself”

“How do I know that it’s not Mei who lied anyway? How do I know she is not a fake?”

Ludwig sighed impatiently. Lars was always too stubborn, so he sometimes avoided contradicting him. It was too difficult to convince him, but this was the last straw. He got up from his seat and walked to the door.

“Fine, have it your way. If you are gonna listen to her, at least be decent, talk to Mei and ask for a divorce, and if you are gonna do something stupid like stay with Stacy, don’t count on me at all.”

Lars was silent, it was the first time Ludwig spoke to him in such a sharp tone. He had always been patient and somehow avoided conflicts, but this time, it was different. He wanted to end their friendship because of a misunderstanding that happened long ago. He was sure that Stacy was someone else and she understood him very well, so why think there was something wrong with that, besides it wasn’t as if he was dating her.

That afternoon he met with her again. They went to the café that Lars could recognize because it was the one Mei said they frequented often. Stacy greeted him with special affection. It was a surprise to him, but he didn’t avoid it. He thought about what Ludwig had told him. In fact, at that moment he felt as if he were being unfaithful, even without having that intention, perhaps because he thought he would have preferred to marry Stacy and not Mei. To think that she was better than Mei, when he hadn’t given her the benefit of the doubt.

“You know, I was thinking, since you are finally going to divorce that hag, maybe it’s time for you to move on. How about you and I starting something?” she said, caressing his hand.

“I haven’t talked to her about it yet, and even if I had, it’s too soon,” he replied, having a very bad feeling.

“Why not? You don’t live together anymore; there are no children involved. We’ve known each other for years and I have always been in love with you.”

Lars had a terrible flashback, like from someone yelling that. He thought he had dreamt it before, and it was Mei saying it, but that didn’t sound like her. He suddenly felt dizzy and looked down.

“Come on, you won’t regret it, you can start a new life by my side. As it should have been from the beginning, before I was forced to leave, before the jerk I was dating, and before that little idiot came between us,” she said, caressing his face and slowly approaching to him.

At that moment, Lars turned away and looked out the window. What he saw wouldn’t let him sleep that night: Mei saw him with eyes full of pain, contemplating what appeared to be a betrayal. Her sister, and her best friend, took her away immediately. As Stacy laughed, as if it were all on purpose. 


	3. Discovery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the drama, Lars decided to know what happened during those erased years.

The whole spectacle had passed before his eyes for endless seconds. Lars understood too late what Ludwig tried in vain to explain him. He felt used. Of course, everything had been planned. Somehow Stacy contacted Mei, telling her he had moved on. Since she didn’t believe her. Stacy summoned her to see for herself. Mei trusted Lars completely, even if they were separated, she knew he wouldn’t be able to make such decisions without talking to her first, since they weren’t even divorced.

But he never called her to discuss that. She assumed he wanted his space to think through his situation and then the two of them could feel better and discuss what was to come. Then that woman showed up again. Mei didn’t hold a grudge, but she felt very sorry for her. So, she decided to go with Ling and Lien, for moral support and to prove that she was lying, but she didn’t. They were there, in that special place, she was caressing his face, as if about to kiss him, then Lars looked at her as if she had caught him cheating. Mei felt that at that moment she had been stabbed a thousand times. She felt nauseous and terribly tearful, Ling and Lien took her away from there as quickly as they could, looking at him with all the contempt they were capable of.

Lars left the café to catch up with them at Stacy’s demands, but they had taken a taxi. Why had he let himself be convinced like that? He left there without looking back. When he got home, he tried to call Mei, but she didn’t answer. He had been trying for hours and hours, not getting an answer. She wasn’t replying to his messaged anywhere either. He went to see her, though he barely knew her address.

“Please, leave my sister, leave her alone!” Ling had replied when she found him outside the building. She asked security not to let him in or they’d call the police, so he decided to go home.

Instead, he was getting dozens of messages from Stacy. She demanded to know where he was and to give her an answer immediately as if she were the victim, the cheated wife. And so it went on for hours until Lars decided to end it. He was furious, but he was also furious with himself for being too credulous, for believing all those stories. He called her to tell her not to contact him again, not to go near him. There was no justification for what she had done, and there was no way he wanted to have anything to do with her. He couldn’t stand the lies.

“We will never be together. I told you that time and I repeat it now. I can’t be with someone like you!”

She didn’t take it well. Soon after, she located him and knocking at his door in desperation and yelling at him. Lars had to call the police and get and get a restraining order. He still didn’t understand why things had taken such a turn. How could he explain to Mei that it was a misunderstanding when he himself had believed all those fallacies and allowed himself to be misled, having a bad image of her? Was he really about to be unfaithful? He wondered, because technically they were still married and hadn’t agreed to date anyone else. No, he wasn’t. He had thought Stacy was the ideal, but only because she had comforted him from his loneliness, only because she appeared to be what she wasn’t, and to tell the truth, he didn’t plan to go that far with her. It was true that she inspired him nothing but sympathy, and she seemed determined to show him her hatred for Mei. 

For many days, he felt discouraged. He told Ludwig everything and from him he knew that Stacy had been arrested and would go for mental health care, as she assaulted a policeman and gave details of how she wanted to end Lars and Mei’s life. That was not entirely consoling. He could still see Mei with that expression, but he couldn’t contact her, he tried for days and she never answered, maybe she had changed her number and blocked him. He wanted to explain to her that it was a misunderstanding.

Ludwig crossed his arms and shook his head.

“You should have listened to me,” he replied.

“How was I supposed to know she’d do that?”

“I told you what she did when you were engaged,” he said, tired of repeating it over and over again.

Lars looked down, disappointed in himself. Then, Ludwig patted him on the back, trying to comfort him. Maybe he wasn’t being sympathetic to him, but he didn’t want him to ruin his life. He should always be honest with him.

“At least you didn’t get to do something you might have regretted. I’m sure you’ll be able to contact Mei soon. Don’t worry about it”

“I even called to her work, they tell me they can’t give me information,” he said, anguished. “And I don’t know if it would be a good idea to call her parents”

“Don’t do it. Give her time, you two still have many things to discuss,” answered Ludwig.

And with this, Lars sank back into his loneliness. He sometimes met with Ludwig after work for a drink or just to talk, but he didn’t want to ruin Ludwig’s good mood with his pessimism. And unlike him, Ludwig did have someone waiting for him at home, so he didn’t steal his time, but talking to him always made him feel better. Ludwig was more sentimental and, in a way, he looked after him as if he were an older brother.

On other occasions, Emma and Henri visited him. They didn’t know about it, but he didn’t want to worry them, they hardly knew about his separation from Mei, so he didn’t need to give them anything else to think about. Of course, he didn’t tell his parents, he had never had a close relationship with them, although they called him from time to time, and more since the accident. He still didn’t think it was a good idea to inform them. He wondered if his in-laws would know, unlike him, Mei had excellent communication with her parents. If they knew, they were sure to be disappointed.

Almost every day, Emma would prepare him a meal or send him something with Henri, because she was always busy with her baby, so his younger brother visited him more often. After a while, however, Lars felt the need to talk about this with someone else. Although Ludwig knew, he thought he would have had enough of the same subject and he also needed another point of view. Then one evening, at last, he dared to tell Henri everything. Maybe he had an idea, it was likely Ling had told him, and so he wanted to give him his version of the events.

“I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how I can contact her; her accounts appear in private and she has blocked me, I can’t even communicate with her at work or through other people” Lars looked down. “Maybe I should leaver alone for once or else I’ll end up like Stacy or worse,” he said, annoyed.

“Well, what did you want her to think? To tell you the truth, I already knew. Ling was as mad as you can get,” Henri admitted.

“I don’t blame her, but did you get to see Mei? Did you talk to her?”

Henri shook his head.

“She seems to be avoiding me, but I could look into some way you could approach her, she seems to have a new number”

“I really need to talk to Mei; tell her this was a trap. She must hate me. I hate myself, too. You know, even I underestimated her thinking she wasn’t in my league. Do you think I hadn’t had the accident there would have been a divorce? I wouldn’t be surprised if she wanted to leave me.”

“I don’t think so. You guys got along pretty well, and as I remember you never had any luck with _your type_ ,” he said with an ironic tone.

“But I have nothing in common with her.”

“That’s what you told me when you met her, that she wasn’t your type, nor did you have anything in common, but you couldn’t get her out of your mind.”

He looked down; how wrong he had been to judge Mei through someone else. Now he reaffirmed how much better off she would be without him. If he could only see her one more time and talk to her, at least deserved an explanation and an apology, and maybe the documents of the divorce, so that he would never bother her again. Seeing him like that, Henri changed the subject a bit to distract him from that affliction and asked him about his memories.

“I haven’t had the courage to continue. It’s as if those years didn’t exist and I’m afraid I’ll find something I don’t want to see.”

“Like what?”

“I almost did something stupid; I wouldn’t be surprised to find something much worse.”

“It’s not that, that woman took advantage of you by seeing you vulnerable. You also realized the trick. You are too decent to do something like that. You should trust yourself more. I assure you; you will find nothing wrong” Henri said, confidently.

“I feel terrible. I just want all this to be over soon. I’d like to live like before, before the accident…”

“Don’t push yourself, take your time. I’ll try to talk to Mei to find out how she is and maybe convince her to contact you. If you need help, you know I’m here for you,” Henri said before saying goodbye.

Lars assumed he was right. So, he decided to go back to his quest. He checked the entire apartment. He inspected every single one of his belongings. He examined the image gallery on his phone and computer, this time more carefully. He noticed several pictures of Mei, some taken without her being aware of them. So, he really loved her, he thought gloomily. There were so many sweet moments saved on those devices that it seemed now like watching someone else’s happiness. He wasn’t able to delete the photographs or videos where they appeared together, at least out of respect for her and his old self. He assumed that his domestic life hadn’t been all bad then.

He found a folder with several files that were named as Draft 1, 2 and 3. Apparently, he was starting to write his own stories and was glad to see that they weren’t so bad. He always had a dream of writing a novel, but he had never had the confidence to do so, so this was a pleasant surprise. His poems needed a little more of editing, but they had potential. He wondered if Mei knew about it, because he had never heard her tell it or maybe he hadn’t paid attention.

As he continued searching, he found several downloaded manuals about plumbing and notes from a series of videos. He was supposed to be learning, and in fact, he found a toolbox in a wardrobe. He also saw a notebook with Mandarin notes and various exercise books. Maybe that book on the nightstand was his, he hadn’t checked it since he didn’t even understand it, but he took it and when he translated it, he found out that it was poetry and it had a dedication: _To my bunny with all my love. I hope you enjoy it and happy anniversary. From your loving wife, Mei_. For some reason he sighed nostalgically as if he remembered. Now that he was thinking about it, that nickname was pretty cute.

He discovered many different books in his collection, including some on gardening. He knew he liked flowers, but the closest to a garden he was taking care were the flower pots on the balcony. So, they were planning to buy a house with a space for that. That would have been very nice.

In the kitchen he found a notebook of recipes, and when he checked the handwriting, he realized that he had written all himself. Some of them were marked and were proof that he even tried to cook from time to time. It seemed that Lars had become much more of a homebody, as he was used to buying food or eating out to avoid going near the kitchen. He could do all the housework except cooking, that was a complete torture for him, with oil jumping all over the place, having to taste everything, knowing the exact measurements, was tedious. At that moment, he would have liked to be able to try, as his stomach started to growl. He had spent the entire day checking the apartment up and down that he had forgotten to eat. So, he made himself a sandwich to calm his hungry and also because it was the most practical and safe thing to do.

While he was eating, he kept checking the computer and almost choked when he found a couple of articles about parenthood added to the bookmarks, with this he realized that the other Lars did want to start a family. He smiled, but then his phobias about being a bad father came to mind and he thought it was better that way. He felt bad for him, though, as he remembered Mei had said something about trying. He blushed a bit at the thought, he could not get over the idea of being so warm and fuzzy with her. The image wasn’t entirely bad, though.

By going through the entire apartment, he was able to meet the very different person he had become. Maybe he didn’t know his secrets very well, but from the little he was learning, he realized that this Lars seemed like a guy who was committed to what he was doing, who tried different things without fear of failure, without fear of other people’s opinion. A quiet, homely guy, in love with his wife and above all, living a peaceful life. And everything was taken from him by a very bad chance.

Once Lars was able to reconcile himself with a part of his life, he could finally recognize that he wasn’t a bad guy and could forgive himself. Now it was a little easier to understand himself. He knew that his memories wouldn’t come back and the ideal was to move forward with his life, but at least he had a better basis on which to start. So, he decided to call Henri and tell him the good news. He invited his brother to dinner, to show him what he had discovered. 

“It tastes awful, but if it’s any consolation, you used to cook better before,” he said, tasting a bite and making an exaggerated gesture. “How about I invite you to dinner to celebrate and I’ll pay,” offered Henri happily. 

“It’s ok, just because you’re paying” answered Lars, pretending resignation.

And both brothers went out, as they talked about how badly each one cooked.

Back home, he called his parents to inform them that everything was fine and he had decided to move on with his life. His mother cried a little on the phone, and they talked for a long time. For the first time they seemed to understand each other, even he talked for a moment with his father. She asked him about Mei, but he avoided the question, saying that she was with her sister because he was repairing the house. His mother seemed to understand that hesitation, but didn’t comment, she asked him to say hello and continued talking about something else. Lars felt bad about lying, but he didn’t want them to know about the situation.

From here, he started writing. He continued with his little column in the journal, plumbing and returning to his old hobbies, feeling a little more alive again.


	4. Revelations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lars and Mei receive important news.

It had been very painful for Ling to see Mei leave her home like that. When she told her that she needed a place to stay because she was leaving Lars, she didn’t want to believe it, because they looked very happy and in love, but with the accident the situation had taken a very sudden turn. She didn’t blame him, after all who causes an accident of that magnitude. So, Ling didn’t hesitate and offered her a room, but what had troubled her was her request:

“Please, don’t tell anyone, least of all mom. I’ll explain later”

When Mei finished settling in, she finally agreed to tell her, but while she doing so, she blamed herself for her insistence. Even saying that he had probably already considered divorce before the accident. Ling tried to make her see that it wasn’t true and that the misunderstanding would soon be fixed, but Mei wouldn’t believe it. As much as Ling wanted to encourage her, she knew that none of her words would fix her sister’s situation. They only thing left was to wait, to wait for time to heal everything. Although she knew it would be difficult for Mei.

On the other hand, Mei made her best effort not to call Lars, not to contact anyone who knew him to find out how he was. Even when Henri heard about the situation, she didn’t ask about him. It was a pity that Lars wasn’t a fan of social media, but if he was, Mei would feel like a stalker by constantly checking his profiles. Anyway, she would check her phone for notifications, as if she expected him to look for her, but that never happened. So, to ease her anxiety she would leave for work early and then come home as soon as she could to avoid being asked about him. She still didn’t want anyone to know that she had left the house, which wasn’t a scandal, but she didn’t want to talk about it with other people.

Then, little by little she started looking for something else to do. She started drawing in her notebook, updated her web comic for the first time in months, deleted the comments of that annoying hater and made all kinds of commissions. Ling had never seen her so busy, but she knew she was doing it to distract her mind and not think about him anymore. As if she didn’t know that this was her method of escaping from reality. That was Mei, even though she was an expressive person who said what she thought, when it was about something that really hurt her, she preferred to run away and pretend there was no such problem.

But it didn’t work. Sometimes she caught herself drawing him, writing his name in her notebooks or looking at his pictures too. Then, she would stop what she was doing and tell herself that she would be better off without him, that she shouldn’t miss him because he probably didn’t think about her. Those words still echoed in her head: _I don’t love you and I feel overwhelmed when I’m with you_. So, she cried a little. At other times she tried to magnify his flaws, inventing faults for him; she listed what she didn’t like about him, his bad habits, misrepresented conflicts, and then convinced herself that she could stop loving him very soon. Although deep down she knew it was a lie.

Ling was concerned about Mei, not only her mental health but also her physical health, especially when she heard her complaining of nausea in the morning. Nothing she ate was doing her any good, maybe it was nerves or anxiety, Ling wanted to think, praying that it would be something as simple as that.

One morning while Mei was cleaning the apartment, she suddenly started feeling dizzy. She thought perhaps it was fatigue, as she had had very little sleep over the past few days, but when this was compounded by nausea that would not leave her alone, a single conclusion crossed her mind. She tried to remember the last time she got her period. She had been so busy with Lars’s recovery and then with her work that she hadn’t even thought much about herself. In counting, she was about two months behind.

She thought it was a coincidence, but she remembered that shortly little before the accident, she and Lars had made love quite often because they were planning to have a baby. The night before the crash had been one of those occasions, and it was more than two months later. She began to worry, but maybe she shouldn’t jump to conclusions. She told Ling what was going on and her sister suggested a pregnancy test. 

The two sisters waited patiently for the result. It was positive. Mei cried a little for joy and a little for fear. In other circumstances, this would have been wonderful news, because she longed to become a mother, but now she didn’t know how to react. They made an appointment with the gynecologist, just to make sure, and in case she was pregnant, to know if everything was fine. In fact, Mei was already nine weeks pregnant, so everything happened before the accident just as she thought it would. That added up to something else to think about, but at least in a positive way, because she wanted to keep going for the baby that was coming.

That afternoon, Mei locked herself in her room. Lying in bed, she caressed her belly and looked at the ceiling, thinking about everything that was happening and how her life had changed so much in a few months. She remembered with pain, when she and Lars talked about having a baby. He looked hesitant at first but little by little he started to cheer up, especially after he had seen her holding his newborn nephew. It was the plans they talked about every night before they went to sleep. Neither of them expected to find themselves in a similar circumstance to the one they were living in. But it must have been worse for him, she thought. Had she known that night would be the last time Mei would hold Lars in her arms, she would never have let him go.

A while later, Ling knocked on the door, brought her a cup of tea and a slice of cake she had just baked. Mei thanked with a smile. They talked about different subjects, but Ling wanted to know what would happen from now on and especially what she would say to Lars.

“The truth is, I don’t know what I should do. Maybe I should hide it from him, go away and never come back. Start somewhere else by myself with the baby.”

“I think you should tell him.”

“Why? He hasn’t even communicated with me. He doesn’t care about me.”

“I know he cares about you, you both needed space is all, and he still has a right to know.”

“But I’m afraid, Ling. What if Lars becomes reluctant to accept paternity or accuses me of having a false pregnancy to get him come back. What if he ends up by hating me completely now,” she cried. “He is no longer the man who loved me.”

Mei decided to think hard about what she would say so he would be aware. For now, she announced to her parents that she was pregnant. Her father wasn’t at home, and her mother took the news very well, but since she didn’t hear it so enthusiastically, she asked her to talk to her in private.

“Mei, baby, you don’t sound happy. Did something bad happen?”

“No, it’s not that serious.”

“Does it have to do with Lars’ accident?” she insisted with concern.

“It’s just… I don’t know, I’m so confused,” Mei sobbed.

Mei took a deep breath and told her everything that had happened. Her mother had been the only one to support her relationship with Lars, not that the rest of the family hated him, but he was very likely to be misunderstood because of his intimidating aura and arrogant airs. Mei’s mother, to the other hand, knew that he loved her daughter and only cared about seeing her happy. After listening to her story, she kept silent for a few moments to try to understand the situation. 

“I think the two of you should talk to each other to come to an agreement. I know this is all difficult, but you are two adults and should act like that. Be honest with him. He is probably still confused. You know him better than anyone else,” her mother said, understanding.

“I know, it’s just that it scares me.”

“I understand, but even if you’ve decided to separate, there’s still the legal part, you must sign papers and above all he must be aware that he has a child on the way.”

Tender and comforting words followed. Mei smiled slightly at a joke from her mother about becoming a grandmother for the first time. Then she decided she was right and it was better to talk to Lars.

Then she got a call from a Stacy to say that Lars had moved on without her. Of course, Mei didn’t believe her, because that woman had already been rejected and was behaving very strangely. Lars wasn’t the type to do just anything, besides if he wanted to move on, he would have called her to talk it over and come to an agreement. But she agreed to go, because she wanted to see for herself.

“I don’t know, Mei, I have a bad feeling. Don’t go,” Ling asked.

“It’s ok, I know her. She probably just wants to scare me.”

“At least don’t go alone”

So, she and Lien went with her and none of the three gave any credence to what they would see. They took Mei in a hurry, even though they knew he was following them. Ling wouldn’t forgive him. Never. If she had to be honest, she estimated him because he made her sister happy and was a respectable person, but with what had just happened she no longer knew who he was. She was no longer sure if she could trust him anymore. Either way, something didn’t feel right and it was as if he had been deceived too. Then he kept insisting on calling Mei, even going to look for her.

“Please, leave my sister, leave her alone” she replied, tired.

Meanwhile, Mei had locked herself in her room, staring out the window in silence as tears ran down her cheeks. At first, she had been shocked, and though Ling and Lien began to rant against him, Mei didn’t say a word, simply shutting herself away. Ling opened the door to check on her, and found her staring out the window her gaze empty. She went over and hugged her, trying to comfort her. Then she understood that her sister was going to need all the support in the world.

______________________

Finally, after trying to contact her, by whatever means, Henri got Mei’s number and Lars was able to locate her. For Mei it had been very surprising, when she heard his voice, she was paralyzed. She wanted to hang up, but she had also decided to tell him about the pregnancy.

“Mei? Mei, is you? Please answer. Don’t hang up” he asked.

“How did you find my number?” Mei replied in a barely audible voice.

“Never mind that, I need to see you and talk to you so I can apologize in person.”

She was silent for a few seconds and accepted because she also had something urgent, she wanted to discuss. She asked him to meet her at some restaurant, because she knew that Ling would kick him out if he showed up there. They arranged to meet that very afternoon, because if they left it for another day, neither of them could be at peace.

A couple of hours later, Mei greeted him nervously, and for the tremor of her voice and her distressed expression, Lars knew that it was a delicate matter. They talked about what had happened that day. Lars was so honest about Stacy that Mei had no doubt that it had indeed been planned, but that still didn’t give her any confidence. It still hurt her to remember that moment, what she imagined happened between them and all the bad things he believed about her. 

“I have been very selfish all this time. It was you who was always by my side, the only one who wanted to help me in those moments and the one who suffered the most. I, on the other hand, was ungrateful.”

“It wasn’t entirely your fault. I pushed you to remember me, I thought we could live like before, that I could get my husband back, but I didn’t consider how you really felt,” she admitted.

“Of course, it was, I was very stubborn not to trust you and it’s understandable that you would want everything to go back to normal.”

Mei started to feel irritated and disgusted again, this time by the intense smell of coffee, which had been making her dizzier lately.

“Mei, are you alright? You look agitated. Have you been sick? Do you need a ride home?”

“No, don’t worry. It’s just… now I need to tell you something very important,” she said, biting her lip and struggling to look him in the eye.

“What is it about?” he asked, in a soft voice.

“Well, I…”

“Is that something I can help you with?” he asked again, worried about the tension in the air.

“It’s just… I’m pregnant…” she said without further ado.

Lars kept quiet, trying to process the news. He didn’t know what to say to her, she looked nervous, but at the same time excited. It wasn’t that he didn’t believe her, the parenthood articles he found were proof, but it was still unexpected news. He never thought he would hear those words right now. Judging by her face she had probably thought a lot about how to communicate it to him, maybe fearing his reaction, maybe that he would reject her again. Yet as much as he was afraid, the news didn’t seem a bad thing. Many bad things had already happened, and at least this was different.

She explained again that before the accident they had been trying to have a baby. They had even taken some tests to see if everything was in order and finally tried. She showed them with the documents from when she had gone to the gynecologist with Ling. The pregnancy was going great, all she needed was some vitamins, and rest and better nutrition, nothing out of the ordinary. 

“I’m really sorry, I didn’t want it to be under these circumstances. But I won’t ask anything in return. And yes, it’s really yours, if you want a paternity test, I am more than willing to allow it…” she said.

“No need” he asked, trying to reassure her.

“Anyway, I just wanted you to know, in case you ever want to meet the child,” she said hesitantly.

“What are you talking about? Of course, I’m going to take responsibility,” he replied, holding her hand.

“No, you don’t have to. This was between me and the old Lars …” she said, breaking away from him. “I just wanted you to know.”

“But I can’t leave you like this. You are still my wife and that baby is mine too. I know I have no right to claim anything after how much I’ve made you suffer, but I don’t want to abandon you in that state.”

“Really, It’s not necessary. I don’t want anything from you, we’ll manage” she said in trembling voice, taking her hands off him.

“It is. You didn’t do that to yourself, it takes two to tango.”

Even though Lars was scared to death and didn’t know what would happen from now on, he had to do the right thing and take responsibility. How could he be able to leave her alone and pregnant, while he was too comfortable and carefree in a huge apartment. Yes, Mei had her sister who had surely been her biggest support in the last weeks, but it wasn’t fair to her either. Ling probably had a lot of things to do and a life to take care of. Besides, maybe it would be a chance to get better acquainted with Mei. He needed to reconcile with her.

Mei knew he was serious. Deep down, she felt safe, but on the other hand, she was afraid that he would end up hating her for tying him again and that resentment would come out. That’s why she didn’t want to accept, even if she wanted to be at peace with him again. In the end she agreed, thinking that her sister needed a break from the drama and on the condition that they would give each other their space. As if they were roommates, but with a baby on the way. So, he asked her for a couple of days so that she could pack calmly and he could fix some of the damage.

When she returned to Ling’s apartment, Mei announced that she would come back with Lars. Her sister said nothing, because she wanted to respect her decision. Maybe they both needed to live together and talk to each other to resolve their differences, thought the younger sister, although she was still worried about her.

Mei packed up all her belongings again, this time feeling guilty, especially when she thought maybe it was her chance to win him back, but with the discomfort of pregnancy and her body gradually changing, that seemed impossible. At least she was content to start getting along. After two days, Lars returned for her. He put everything in the car and waited for Mei to take her back. Ling told her to be patient and if anything happened, no matter what, she would always keep the doors of her apartment open for her. Mei thanked her. Both sisters hugged each other and Ling wished with all her being that the situation changed for better. 

On the way, Mei thought that returning like this wasn’t the way she imagined it would happen. It was uncomfortable the idea of living together again as if nothing had happened. It was only out of commitment, because he didn’t want to be look like a bad man who abandoned a woman pregnant with his child and probably felt guilty about what happened a few weeks ago. It was logical, after all she knew he was very responsible and had a great sense of duty. When they finally arrived, Mei took the suitcase with her clothes, he wanted to help her carry it, but she refused.

“You don’t have to help me with everything. My belly is not that big yet, I can move around without problems” she asked, because her pregnancy was hardly noticeable.

Lars let her take her belongings, feeling a little naïve, but he was unaware of all that pregnancy implied. Besides, he was afraid, not only of what was awaiting them, but of her getting hurt. During the couple of days, they didn’t see each other, he had tried to inform himself, the descriptions were so graphic that he preferred to leave it for later.

Mei was going to settle in the same room where she had slept while he was recovering, but Lars told her to take the other one where the double bed was. When she went in there, she noticed that he had arranged it carefully, had bought new sheets and curtains, there was a fan, a TV with streaming service, a table with a chair, all conveniently to hand. When she realized what was going on, she understood what the alleged damage was.

“Lars, you didn’t have to bother with all this. It’s not like I’m going to stay forever”

“It was no bother.”

“Then, you would have put the fridge here,” she said, ironically.

“I’ll see what I can do, I could buy a mini fridge and…”

“Just kidding” she interrupted him.

“I just want you to be comfortable. You helped me a lot when I got back from the hospital, so I want to do the same for you. I know it’s not the same, but I want us to be fine.”

“Oh…” said Mei, a little disappointed because it was to return the favor and because he felt guilty. “I’ll pay my part of all the expenses, of course,” she remarked.

He ended up accepting. He wanted to start again. He wanted to be there for her after what had happened, and of course, for the child they were expecting. He still felt like an idiot for thinking badly of her, so he deserved whatever she thought of him.


	5. Changes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Living together...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -Couvade Syndrome affects first-time fathers and manifests itself with pregnancy-like symptoms.   
> -Stroopwafels are waffle-like cookies filled with caramel and accompanied by tea or coffee. They originate in the   
>  Netherlands.  
> -mei is Dutch for May.   
> -Nothing personal against the name Femke, it was the first one that came to mind.

For the moment, Lars and Mei tried to live in the same space without getting in the way. In the morning they each went to their respective jobs and when they returned, they took care of their own. Although Mei was in charge of the kitchen and made him eat breakfast and lunch. He also started to accompany her to her gynecologist’s appointments. The first time he saw the sonogram, he was excited and smiled at Mei. She smiled back at him forcibly. This wasn’t how she wanted to live out her pregnancy. It wasn’t how she wanted to start a family, if she could call it that.

Since Mei started living with Lars again, he could finally breath more peacefully. It wasn’t as if he wanted to control her, it was more about having the assurance that she would be protected, and that he would do his duty as her husband. He wanted her to have a comfortable and healthy pregnancy. Besides, that baby was his too, he wanted to give it the love and attention it deserved. Even if he didn’t know how, he would try to be a good father.

“You seem calmer lately,” commented Ludwig, who already knew he had come back with Mei.

“I am not really, with Mei pregnant and going to work is all I think about,” he said without reflecting.

“I’m sure she’s careful; plus, you go to school for her, right?” he asked.

Lars nodded and then smiled nervously.

“I still can’t believe I’m going to be a dad,” he admitted.

“Take it easy. I know you’ll do a great job by taking care of Mei and the baby”

_Mei_ , thought Lars, pulling the picture out of the drawer again. It was actually nice to think they were building a _home_. If he could use that term. Looking at the picture, he wondered if he could ever love her. He wasn’t sure. How could he be? Now that she no longer had the task of bringing him back, she no longer spent time with him. They only talked at dinner time and still felt an invisible barrier separating them. He wanted to regain her trust and see her as happy as before. He wondered if she would still love him, most likely not, he thought. Although, the situation with Stacy had been a trap, it was logical that that, added to the time they spent apart, would end up for destroying that affection he complained so much about at first.

Looking at her closely, he could now understand that Mei was a woman who hid more than let him see. She was much more than she seemed at first glance. For him that sweet smile didn’t fit her melancholy gaze and if he added that things between them were going badly because of misunderstandings, he didn’t expect her to open her heart so suddenly. Probably only the _old Lars_ had access, but he wasn’t there anymore.

If he had to be honest to himself, he would say that he wasn’t at all calm about his relationship with Mei and the pregnancy. The more noticeable the pregnancy was, Lars felt more anxious to see her leave every morning and carry that heavy bag along with all her materials for her classes. So, he wanted to keep an eye on her, started taking her to work, picking her up and following her wherever she went. Often, Mei would decline his help, but he always wanted to intervene, which made her nervous. There were still some grudges held, even though she didn’t want to admit it.

“Mei, I don’t think you should stretch out like that. Let me get the plates for you.”

In doing so, they both released one at the same time causing it to crash to the floor. At that moment, something inside her exploded. It wasn’t that she was bothered by the help, but by the constant surveillance. She had promised herself to stay away from him, so that when they decided to separate, because that was what would happen, she wouldn’t be able to feel that intense pain again, but the more she tried to put her distance away, he went after her more insistently. It was impossible to avoid this closeness, which irritated her.

“Look what you did. I told you, I can stand on my own two feet. I am not useless. Leave me alone!” Mei expressed.

He was silent, ashamed and at the same time sorry, because it sounded exactly like what he had told her that time. The intention was the same: to help, to be useful to her, make her feel comfortable, but it only overwhelmed her. She looked at him with resentful eyes. At that moment he thought that they were more similar than he thought.

“I’m sorry, but I am worried about you, you know very well that you shouldn’t stretch like that” he said, trying to be patient as he picked up the pieces of the plate.

She rolled her eyes and sighed reluctantly.

However, Mei ended up accepting his help as she needed it, and if she wanted to be at peace with him, she had to be more tolerant. Lars didn’t intend to harass her with such attention, she knew how he used to be when it came to taking care of her. Now his assistance had become indispensable, he helped her calm her morning sickness, pulled her hair back when she threw up and scrubbed her back while doing so. He stopped drinking coffee to get her away from that smell. Giving up his morning coffee was a small sacrifice compared to the discomfort she was experiencing, but he too was beginning to dislike the smell anyway, and as soon as he noticed it, he began to feel dizzy.

Other times, he would massage her calves to relieve her cramps, and once again he was with her on that. Suddenly, he didn’t feel very well, his head, back or legs hurt, he became more irritable and sensitive than usual and started to feel disgusted by strong odors. Added to the anxiety of thinking about Mei, he thought he was going crazy.

“You seem to have Couvade’s syndrome,” Ludwig told him, showing him an article on parenthood. Then he smiled.

“It’s not funny, I feel terrible.”

“You’ll get over it. Besides, you are not the one carrying the hardest part,” he said, looking at Mei’s picture.

“You know, I don’t even think that’s possible.”

“You said yourself it was a matter of two, well it seems that this too,” he added, unable to avoid smiling again.

Lars was not amused; he was so upset at the time that he couldn’t focus. Although it was true that it wasn’t his body that was changing and he wouldn’t be the one to give birth, so he couldn’t imagine how much more complicated it was for her. He thought of a way to make her feel better. Then he wanted to compensate her by fulfilling all her cravings, however rare they might be. Whatever and whenever she said would be a yes for him.

One night he woke up in a hurry when he heard someone lurking in the apartment. It was Mei poking around in the kitchen looking for food. Even though he wanted her to eat healthy, he ended up going to a 24-hour fast food restaurant and ordering to take-out. Mei hadn’t wanted to, but the craving outweighed her desire to check the nutritional value. He returned shortly after and she was waiting for him with the table already set, and then they both smiled as they realized they had eaten a couple of burgers and some big fries in no time. She looked happy, but worried because she had made him go out so late. 

“I promise it won’t happen again,” she said.

“It’s ok, besides I was hungry too,” he answered and wiped the corner of her mouth with a napkin.

Mei was grateful that it was a warm night, because she knew that she had blushed with that gesture. He kept making her nervous, but for different reasons. She was still very attracted to him, she wanted to hug him after those dizzy spells, cry with him when she got sentimental and he would hug her and comfort her. But for the time being she was content not to make his life more difficult with her temper, her resentment and the inconveniences it caused her, and instead she prepared for him what he liked to eat, let him rest when he came home from work and put cute notes in his lunch, so that he would see that she appreciated his help.

One of those quiet Saturdays, the rain was falling and there was nothing else to do. Mei would have wanted to go for a walk, but she was afraid she would slip. So, she took a bag of _stroopwafels_ and poured a cup of tea. She put everything on a tray and went quietly to her bedroom. She didn’t want to disturb Lars while he was reading. He looked away from the book and followed her with his gaze.

“If you need something, I can take it to you so you don’t have to get up all the time. You watch your favorite show at this hour, don’t you?” Lars asked.

“Yes, but I don’t want to bother you,” she excused herself.

“I don’t mind, I am not doing anything important.”

Mei hesitated and agreed. She felt a bit sad, but consoled herself caressing her belly very lovingly, as if to tell the baby that she would love it more than anyone else. Not noticing that Lars was watching her from the door. 

“Is it alright if I join you?” he asked.

“Sure. There are still more cookies in the cupboard.”

He came back with a cup of tea and more _stroopwafels_. They ate in silence, while she watched TV. Although it was an interesting episode of her favorite series, she couldn’t help but be distracted by Lars, she didn’t understand why he couldn’t leave her alone, but at the same time she didn’t want him to go. He seemed indifferent to the series, but he watched it anyway. After Mei had finished her portion of _stroopwafels_ , she told him that she didn’t like them before, but since she was pregnant, she craved them so much that she couldn’t stop eating them. He smiled, thinking that the child would probably be just like him, because he loved them. Then Mei gestured and touched her belly again.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, uneasy to the sight of her reaction.

“I just felt a little kick,” said Mei happily.

He got excited; it was the first time this happened.

“Can I touch?”

She nodded, took his hand and placed it on her belly. He smiled excitedly as he felt the movement, it was almost magical. His baby was moving and he couldn’t help but be touched. It was amazing. Some colleagues had already told him about the odyssey of expecting a baby and even more so having it with them, and also, he had also begun to investigate, but experiencing it was something completely different.

“And have you thought of any names yet? Did you… did we have any in mind?” Lars asked.

“Well, you wanted them to be called Vincent, like your grandfather, or Willen, but we hardly discussed, we thought it was better to wait until a little before the birth. We were going to call them _baby bunny_ in the meantime, but you don’t like nicknames anymore,” answered Mei bittersweetly.

“No, it’s ok, I think it’s cute. Vincent and Willem are perfect. We could pick the first one, though,” he said. “Of course, if you still agree.”

“I do,” she said. “I like both names, but if it’s a girl I haven’t thought of one I like yet,” she added, touching her belly again. They had decided not to know the sex of the baby.

He was silent, trying to think of some pretty name.

“What about Femke?” he suggested.

Mei grimaced and shook her head. They spent a long time trying to choose a female name, went through both sides of the family, thought of famous actresses and singers, characters they liked, without success. The reasons were because it didn’t match the surnames or reminded them of someone they disliked or just didn’t like. Then he thought of his great-grandmother Anri.

“What do you think of Anri?”

She stood there thinking and then smiled.

“I like it. It’s short and cute.”

They both smiled and Mei evoked one of those night, planning their life together. They would have two boys and a girl, and they would live in a beautiful house with a huge yard in a peaceful neighborhood. Their children would learn to ride their bikes, and play with their friends, while they would work in the garden and be happy. There was a silence between them and Lars was finally encouraged to ask a question that was going through his mind.

“If you don’t mind, I’d like to know how we met,” he asked, because she had already told him everything else, but that. She smiled and looked down at her belly.

“Well, we met in the month of May. I remember you once told me you liked that month because it reminded you of my name.”

They met while she had gone to buy some art supplies. They were walking around unnoticed and crashed, causing her to throw some of her stuff away. He rushed to help her, but had inadvertently ruined some quite expensive material, at that very moment he offered to buy her another, although she refused as it had been an accident. However, he didn’t feel right about it, so he bought the material and she, in gratitude, invited him to lunch. That lunch had been such a special occasion that after exchanging phone numbers, they kept texting each other and then started to hang out. Little by little, love was born without them noticing it.

“I always wondered why someone as haughty as you would have noticed me, but as I got to know you, I realized you weren’t as arrogant as you seemed,” she said, looking down.

“Do I really look like that?”

She nodded in amusement.

“Mei, have I ever hurt you or harmed you in any way?”

She pondered, in compared to their current problems, their relationship had nothing but misunderstandings and petty arguments, like those of any other couple. But there were never any betrayals or unjustified fights. And of course, they ended up talking and reconciling.

“No, you were always a good boyfriend and husband. Though quite impatient, I must say,” she added. 

“Mei, forgive me for everything I’ve caused you,” he asked, taking her hand in his.

“We’d better forget about it and move on. You explained to me what happened and I forgave you. I am not better either, as you may have noticed” she answered evasively, letting go of him.

He looked at her and thought that they were really so similar, and maybe he should stop not keep harassing her with the same thing. He just wanted to know what their story was. Sometimes, in between dreams, he could see her smiling, he could see himself making a big mess in the kitchen trying to follow some recipe and making another in the bathroom trying to fix something, but they were just illusions. Anyway, he wanted some of those inventions to become a reality.

One Sunday, when Mei had gone shopping with her sister and her friend, Lars looked for something to try to fix. He saw the sink tap keep leaking so he tried to fix it himself. The result was a big puddle and more water everywhere. The repair looked good even if the faucet shook when it was opened, but the constant dripping was gone. When Mei arrived, the first thing she did was look around, then she looked at him and out her hands on her hips waiting for an explanation, shocked to see the kitchen a mess.

“I can explain” he excused himself, his clothes soaking wet.

But instead of claiming him, Mei started laughing. It was the first time in their time living together that she laughed out loud. She even had tears coming out of her eyes. She put one hand on her belly and tried to calm down.

“Oh Lars, you haven’t changed after all” she said, still laughing.

“What are talking about?” he asked, because he didn’t think it was so bad to repair something as simple as a tap.

“It’s just… I’d better not tell you; I’ve told you too many stories. I’m going to change my clothes, come back and help you clean up.”

He assumed that she thought he didn’t want to know about those erased years anymore, but as the days went by, she sometimes told him without realizing it and they ended up laughing at their clumsiness during their first date, their first kiss and even their first time. He hadn’t felt ashamed to know the story, although she didn’t tell all the details of the last event, but she did tell him about their nervousness and their laughter. Mei had a very peculiar way of telling stories that sometimes made her expressions more laughable than what she was telling. Thus, it no longer seemed an idealized form of what their relationship had been.

Lately, they were beginning to speak more frankly and he liked that she was so natural and unpretentious. While they ate, they talked about their days, anecdotes from their work colleagues, about food, about what they would like to eat the next day, in short, about anything no matter how mundane it was. And they also shared more time together, he brought her the cakes and fruits she liked, they went to her check-ups together, to buy clothes and between the two of them chose some nice clothes for the baby.

In the eyes of others, they looked like a young couple expecting their first child, but they thought they were living out that fantasy alone. Of course, Mei hadn’t stopped loving him for a second, especially after receiving all his help, but she didn’t feel confident enough to try to seduce him. After seeing her suffering from the discomfort of pregnancy and even helping her out of the tub, he had seen enough of her not to find her attractive, she thought. But at least now she accepted it and could live with it. So, she had given up the idea altogether.

“This is horrible,” said Mei as she put her phone away.

“What’s wrong?”

“I was reading about the discomforts of pregnancy, I don’t have some of the one it mentions yet, but I already feel awful about the ones I have,” she replied, annoyed.

“Is there any way to relieve them?” he asked.

“Yes, deliver the baby, but I’m still missing the postpartum period I might get stretch marks,” she complained, but making a funny face. “Maybe I should buy one of those creams or use some remedy. I’ll ask mom if she knows of any,” she said, uncovering her belly and looking at herself in the mirror.

He smiled, though a bit worried. He himself had read so many articles on motherhood that he didn’t want to know more so that he wouldn’t have those troubles too. At least her mother was looking out for her and helping her as much as she could. They made video calls almost every day to show her the progress or she visited her. Although he was still friendly with his mother-in-law, Lars was ashamed to show up after all that drama, but he was content to let her know that her daughter was fine and that she was not missing anything. Even his own mother often called to check on them, and he was glad of that interest.

While Mei was busy with work or drawing some of her projects, he decided to focus on his own as well. He retook one of the drafts and started editing it. He spent some afternoons trying to work on it until he was satisfied with the result. He asked her to read it for a second opinion. She had a web comic with very good comments, so maybe she could help him and give him constructive criticism.

“I loved it, it’s very good,” she said happily after reading it and mentioned details that she found interesting and appropriate. “I’m glad you decided to continue.”

“I think it was thanks to you that I dared to try new things,” he timidly said.

She smiled, but shook her head.

“No, I didn’t do it. It was your own initiative. You had told me that you would like to write something that wasn’t critical, some fiction, but all that was for yourself, you have a great talent and well, I believe in you,” she said.

He felt embarrassed, and realized that this is how nice it felt when you are truly esteemed. No like he had believed when Stacy praised him for whatever reason that seemed rather idealized.

“Well, now there’s something else I’d like to try,” he said, even more embarrassed.

“What is it?” she asked, curious and amused.

“I want to learn how to cook. I know I’ve been trying, but I still don’t feel confident doing it on my own.”

“Then I’ll help you,” she replied.

They started by preparing very simple dishes like soup and ended up baking a cake. It had been fun, even though his attempts at first were horrible. Then he looked at her and wiped the flour off her face. They both smiled and he knew that something was changing.


	6. A Life By Your Side

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's time to make an important decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter, as I said at the beginning this is a translation of my fic "Una vida contigo". This is the longest fic I have ever written, so I'm proud. However, I'm not a native English speaker, so I apologize for the mistakes. I hope that you have enjoyed the story. I wanted to badly to write something like this, I hope to write another one in the future.

As the days passed, Lars wondered if he was starting to fall in love with Mei or if he just felt guilty about everything that had happened. It was true that he now had a great appreciation and affection for her, because although during the first month of living together she was a bundle of nerves, the Mei who now lived with him was different. She was more spontaneous and livelier. There were times when he thought about it more, like when she served him breakfast, left him notes of encouragement at lunch, received him at home with a big smile, that was always a reason to make him feel better. They would talk about anything while eating or doing some chores and she always had a witty answer for everything and made him laugh.

No matter how ugly she said she looked, he thought the weight she was gaining really suited her. Mei refused to wear old-fashioned gowns and look shabby, so she always looked for nice, fashionable maternity clothes and applied makeup. Lars would watch her cooking or drawing and looked for an excuse to talk to her. Every day he seemed to find a new detail about her that he liked. She was really wonderful, she was no longer anxious to have him back, it was like having met her again.

They spent an entire afternoon putting the crib together, Mei read the instructions to him and Lars tried to follow them. With laughter they were able to finish decorating part of the room. She had been very pleased with this special space for the baby, because it was close to her and she could attend him more easily. Lars watched her smiling and noticing all the details, so, when she looked at him and smiled, he felt his heart racing. He thought that for the time being, it was better not to say anything to her so as not to disturb her and make their coexistence strange. He realized how wrong he was with his concept of the “ideal person”, because she wasn’t a complement that fit his needs, but a complete and extraordinary individual. Now this supposed compatibility sounded ridiculous and he could only be sure of one thing: coinciding in this life with her had been a very lucky thing.

\------------------------------------------

The celebration of the baby shower was an important event. Emma organized it since Mei had planned hers, although Lars was quite willing to help and manage most of the event. Ling and Lien were still upset with him, but they didn’t talk about what happened, because Mei told them she was living in tranquility. Lars’ mother had traveled a very long distance to attend and brought several items of clothing and baby supplies that she had purchased since she found out about the pregnancy. Mei’s mother hugged her daughter for a long time as soon as they saw each other, it was her way of showing her how relieved she was to see her healthy and happy. Meanwhile Lars spent the day observing that for the fist time, Mei was truly happy, enjoying of her special moment.

After this, Mei stopped going to work. Although it was boring for her, for Lars it was a great relief, because he wanted her to rest and be able to be calm. Mei would stay at home, draw a lot and entertain herself by knitting bootees and sweaters for the baby. Sometimes Ling or Emma would visit her, the former helping her with the chores and the latter giving her advice about caring for herself and the baby or sometimes they went shopping.

One afternoon, Mei left the apartment for a walk in the park. She needed to walk to clear her head and maybe find new ideas for her next project. When she got tired, she decided to sit on a bench. She watched the children playing and their mothers monitoring them. She wondered if her baby would be as awake and restless as she was as a child or if they would be quiet and shy like Lars. She sighed, thinking how much she wanted to hold her baby. Then she saw a young couple enjoying the afternoon. The woman was pregnant and her husband was holding her and looking at her tenderly. At that moment, Mei felt sad, wishing she was in that situation, so she left as soon as possible. Lars arrived from work and they met at the entrance of the building.

“What are you doing here? You should be resting,” he said, a bit shocked.

“I just went for walk. It’s not a big deal,” she replied, as they entered the building.

“But what if you fall and break?” he questioned her, then blushed as he realized it was too absurd an occurrence. 

She giggled softly.

“Don’t be exaggerated. The gynecologist said it was okay. Besides, I needed a distraction. Don’t you think I am bored of being locked up?” she asked patiently.

Then she went to the kitchen to eat something, and he approached hesitantly, thinking that she was right. Maybe he was the one who should relax for once, but it was almost the end of the last month of pregnancy and he was afraid that the birth would take place in the least appropriate place.

“Next time, if you want, I can go with you…” he said with the same shyness that he always asked her something. “Maybe you’d like to take a bottle of water with you or something to eat and then I could carry it all.”

Mei turned to see him and smiled.

“Alright,” she answered.

From then on, they spent some afternoons taking a walk. They went side by side, talking or simply in silence, enjoying the coolness of the afternoon. And sometimes, he would take her by the hand so that they could advance at the same pace, she would hold on to his hand firmly, feeling safe and hoping that the walk would not come to an end. Although she knew she would soon let him go forever, at least, there was already a good friendship between them.

After a couple of weeks, Mei began to feel mild contractions, which were passing quickly, so Lars thought that labor was probably near, so they waited anxiously, trying to prevent themselves with what they needed. Finally, Mei woke him up in the middle of the night, she was having stronger and more frequent contractions. Lars got up without hesitation. He took the suitcase he had prepared for days, helped Mei to get into the car and drove quickly to the hospital. While they waited, Lars called their relatives to tell them Mei was already in the hospital. He hardly had time to tell everyone, because she didn’t want to leave him, she was very nervous, so he talked to her to distract her and she listened to him patiently, feeling a little calmer. A couple of hours later the expected moment arrived.

“Don’t let go of me!” she asked.

“It’s ok, Mei. Just breathe, I’m here with you,” he tried to reassure her, although he was also scared to death.

She breathed as she was told to, and without meaning to, he did the same. She kept grabbing him and asking him not to leave her.

“Here I am, here I am, calm,” he would say, stroking her hair.

The doctor evaluated the situation and said it was almost time. Mei was doing her best to stay strong and Lars felt he would faint. She was breathing and pushing, hoping that it would all be over soon, imagining that in matter of minutes she would have her baby in her arms and thinking about how much she wanted to see them. She would hold Lars very tightly in his hand and if he wasn’t equally scared, he would have asked her to let go because she was holding him too tightly. 

A few anxious minutes passed and finally, they heard their baby cry. It was a boy. Mei looked exhausted, but happy. Without thinking, Lars kissed her and she finally let go, noticing that she had left a big mark on his hand. Later, the nurse returned with the baby clean and ready to be fed.

“Hi Vincent” Mei said, smiling and fed him for a while.

Then she passed him to Lars to hold him. He carried him gently. He caressed his soft hair, his cheeks and his hands, then the little boy grabbed him tightly by his forefinger. At that moment, Lars had no doubts, those were the two people he loved the most in the world. 

\------------------------

When they arrived home, they found their relatives there. Everyone seemed very happy to meet the new member of the family. Mei’s parents and Lars’ parents had also decided to be there. Mei’s mother stayed for a couple of weeks to help her daughter with her needs. Mei was grateful because the changes didn’t stop there and she was scared. On the other hand, she was very happy with her baby and didn’t want to leave his side. Lars also returned from work as soon as possible to be with him, and once Mrs. Wang left, she left him a series of instructions that he followed to the letter. He took care of whatever was necessary, such as changing him diapers and bathing him, leaving Mei to rest for a while.

The first couple of months had been difficult, but they tried to stay positive in the face of fatigue and above all avoided touching on the subject of what would happen between them from now on. Mei wanted to get everything straightened out, but Lars avoided the subject. Besides, they were always busy with Vincent, work, home, expenses, care of both the baby and Mei, in short, many issues to solve. After the quarantine, she started to do simple exercises, because she was too active to do nothing else, and soon after she returned to work. By this time, Mei’s mother came to the rescue and took care of Vincent, sometimes also her father stayed there to spend time with his grandson.

This is how the first four months of Vincent’s life were spent. A seemingly happy start, but Lars and Mei still couldn’t agree on what they would do. Whenever they wanted to talk something happened and since everyone had their own space and lived together in harmony, it was very difficult to initiate that kind of conversation.

One Saturday, they were invited to a family dinner. It was the perfect occasion for their other family members to meet the baby and so he spent much of the day in the arms of anyone who wanted to hold him. Meanwhile, Lars watched Mei closely throughout the afternoon. He thought she looked more beautiful and sensual than ever. Motherhood had been wonderful for her, but it was also that charm in her that he found fascinating. An attractive that went beyond her physical appearance. He couldn’t help but get nervous when she came up to him and took his hand to sit at the table and he forgot all trace of confusion about his feelings.

When they arrived at the house, they were tired, but at the same time they couldn’t stop thinking about the fun day that had had. They put on their sleeping clothes and then Mei changed Vincent’s diapers and passed the bottle to Lars to feed and cuddle the baby. He smiled as he held him, he didn’t think that one day he would love someone as much as he loved Vincent, he was the most precious baby he had ever seen. Finally, the little one fell asleep, Lars laid him down in the crib carefully and the two of them watched him for a few minutes. Lars yawned and saw his watch, it was almost eleven o’clock at night, then he looked at Mei. He wanted so badly to talk to her about his feelings and to be able to kiss her, but it didn’t seem the best time, even though he felt the chemistry between them and the unbearable tension.

“I better go to sleep, it’s late”

Mei nodded, it was better that he left, because she knew he was looking at her with intensity. It wasn’t that she just noticed, all day she felt some sexual tension between them, in fact, she saw him in the same way, but she thought it was just her and her desires to be with him again. She came over to say goodbye at least with a chaste kiss on the cheek, but he moved and kissed her on the lips. He kissed her again after this.

“Sorry… Mei”

She couldn’t resist either, so she kissed him back with the same intensity. She missed him so much, she missed having him close, his scent, his hugs and kisses, having that intimate contact with him. He accepted everything willingly. He took her in his arms to carry her to bed between desperate kisses and caresses. Lars felt under a spell, enjoying the contact of her lips and skin. She was guiding his hands to undress her, and he was ready to tell her how much he loved and needed her when the baby started crying again and Mei seemed to wake up from her dream. She covered herself with her robe and went to attend him, while Lars felt abandoned. He felt selfish for thinking about himself when they had a baby to take care of. So, he got up and went to help her, but she asked him to go to sleep because it was late and he must have been exhausted. Lars left without protest, frustrated because he was sure he had ruined it with his uncontrolled urges.

After Lars left the room, Mei had cried a little, she felt confused. She wanted so much to be caressed by him, but she wasn’t sure if that was mutual or just sexual desire. Maybe it was moment to separate, the baby had been born and her period of postpartum care was over. It was time for everyone to move on, she thought. The next morning, Lars found her sitting at the table, feeding the baby, and with the breakfast ready. As he approached, she kept her distance, avoiding the possible kiss he was about to give her.

They did not talk much, and although she acted as if nothing had happened, her eyes couldn’t hide her sadness and disappointment. However, he was also so confused that he didn’t know what to say to her. He thought that after all they had been through, they had bonded not only as a couple but as people. He thought they could finally be together as before. He spent the rest of the day wondering. He couldn’t deny that he had enjoyed last night and that touching and kissing her had been incredible, but that wasn’t what he was still thinking about, but when they looked into each other’s eyes and he could feel that magic still alive. He cursed that accident, his clumsiness, otherwise he would still have a normal life by her side.

He went out for a walk to clear his mind for a while and gain enough courage to finally tell her how he felt. At least if she didn’t love him, he wanted to tell her that he would always support her in everything. When he returned, he found Mei folding her clothes and packing gradually. It was time to stop her and be honest with her once and for all before losing her again and this time forever. 

“Mei, do you have time? I need to talk to you.”

She turned to see the deep sleeping baby and nodded. She told him to sit in a chair, while she closed the door behind them and sighed nervously. It was the moment of the truth.

“Well, tell me what you want,” she asked, as she sat on the edge of the bed, pretending to be calm.

“I want to apologize to you again”

Seeing his face turning red, Mei assumed he was worried about the other night, so she went ahead.

“If it’s because of last night, I assure you it meant nothing to me. We got carried away, we haven’t been intimating for a long time… if we had continued maybe it wouldn’t have been the same for either of us. Besides, maybe it’s time to think about getting a divorce,” she said, trying to sound convinced, and probably to try to hurt him a little. “Although if that’s all the divorce is about, I promise you that you can rest assured, I don’t want a penny from you for me. You can visit the child as many times you want, after all you are still his father,” she said, without looking at him. 

Lars shook his head. She kept looking at some spot on the floor, tried to smile, but failed. Then he took a deep breath and cleared his throat.

“Mei, do you really want us to get a divorce?” he said, holding her hand in his. “Do you really want to leave?”

She looked at him finally, not understand where that long-delayed conversation was going. She noticed that he looked really distressed, his hands were shaking and he wanted an honest answer.

“I don’t know. Actually, I still feel guilty for having pressured you to remember me and love me again, you know it was counterproductive…” she said, looking down.

“Forget about it. There is no one to blame here. You said yourself that we should move on. If I must be honest, I feel very good by your side now… last night wasn’t a mistake for me,” he said.

Mei felt irritated, not knowing if he really loved her or just wanted her company. She felt like she was just getting her hopes up one more time and hearing him say that seemed more like a fantasy. Maybe she should push him away instead of playing along.

“I told you, we got carried away, that’s all. If you want sex… find someone you can start over with,” she said, feeling the jealousy born in her with that one idea.

“There’s no one I want to be with more than you. I want us to be together again,” he replied.

Mei shook her head, as if she suddenly understood what was happening.

“Don’t ask me to be together for the child. I told you that you can see him whenever you want, but I don’t want him to grow up with the lie that his parents really love each other…” she said and her voice broke.

She looked away, wiping away the tears that kept falling. Perhaps she no longer wanted to be tied to him who was only hurting her, but did she think he didn’t love her after all that had happened? If that was the case and she no longer loved him, then it was best to accept the divorce for once if it would make her happy. He swallowed, trying to suppress the crying and stay strong, but it was so difficult. Meanwhile, Mei covered her face with her hands while crying inconsolably.

“Mei, I love you. You don’t know how much, but if you don’t love me anymore, then I’m going to let you go. The last thing I wanted was to see you suffer again.”

He kissed her on the head and decided to leave with a broken heart, but when he stood up and walked to the door, she pulled him by the shirt.

“Lars, don’t go. I lied, that night I did want to be with you, but I thought it might be just sex for you and I felt used. I haven’t stopped loving you for a single second, no matter how hard I tried. In these months with you I fell even more in love with you,” she sobbed, hugging him from behind.

He turned to see her and then hugged her tightly. He was no longer sad but happy to hear that there was still room for him in her heart.

“I’ve had the same experience, this time with you has been great, Mei. I was able to meet you and know that you are a wonderful person. How could I not fall in love with you? And yes, maybe we got carried away, but I assure you I could never play with your feelings, I would never forgive myself.”

They hugged for a long time. Lars broke away from her, took her hand and kissed it.

“So, what do you say? Will you marry me again?”

“Are you sure?”

“I am, of course I am”

“In that case, I accept” she said, standing on her tiptoes to kiss him.

He bent down to help her and they kissed now with the satisfaction of knowing that love and desire were mutual. He took her by the waist, lifting her up, they looked at each other, smiling, and they kissed again. As Vincent watched them from the crib. Then they approached to carry him and enjoy the rest of the afternoon together.

Lars didn’t recover the memories of his lost years, but instead he was able to form other equally valuable ones with the help of his loved ones, but specially his beloved Mei, who would always be there to support him.


End file.
